Better Day

Well I am having a better day today. I got a job. It is working in a call center at 9.00 an hour. At this point I am just happy to have a job. Plus in the future I will have more marketable skills. I am not going to write much tonight, I am tired and want to go to bed early. I will be working nights again. 3 to 11:30. This way I can be at home during the day, off on Sunday and Monday. I won’t get to see the boys much when school starts but hopefully by then I can choose my hours a little bit. But either way I will be able to take care of things during the day and work at night.

I am still at 194. Went to the exercise room today in the community building. My legs are a bit sore at the moment but at least I am going in and exercising.

Night night.

Stressed and Depressed

I have been looking for a job for almost a month now. No such luck. Bills are coming due and I don’t have enough to pay for both households. Chrissy can’t find a job either. So needless to say I am depressed. I just don’t know what I am going to do. I can’ be late on my rent here at the apartment especially since we just moved in last week. I have had 2 job interviews. One I am pretty sure I won’t get and the other was nothing but a scam. I have put my application in at Wal-Mart, working on Target and trying to avoid scams when it comes to Temp Services. At this point, I would just like for something to be offered to me. I am so paranoid from scams that I now do research of every company that I submit my application to.

I miss my cats too. I cried half way to Atlanta because I had to leave them at home in Georgia. I still cry sometimes cause I miss them. Hell I have been crying from stress and depression too. Joe is worried about me and being a bit smothering. I will be glad when he goes back to work.

Weight loss I have been doing fairly good with. I am at 194 now so that is 20 lbs. There are times that I wish I could eat like normal. I have gotten it figured out though. I have 3 oz cups that we got when I first had my surgery so that I could monitor how much I drank. Well now that is not an issue. I drink fluids but I don’t get hungry. By the end of the day though for some reason I am “hungry” I guess that is cause I used to eat dinner in the evenings. Also if I eat I try to use my 3 oz cup. I don’t over eat that way. It is painful when I over eat. When we first moved in I drank some orange juice and it made me sick. Good grief that was painful!!! My stomach/chest really hurt. I have to catch myself sometimes because something tastes really good. The food commercials are a pain in the ass though. I see all of this good food and sometimes wish that I could eat like I used to again. I know better cause that would mean that I would lose that ground that I have already gained.

I just got an email from one of the Temp Agencies in Anderson. I am going in in the morning to fill out the application and do the testing. I just hope that this is legit. It is for working in a call center. Not something that is not high high on my list of things to do but you know what, it is a job. I wanted to work at T-Mobile but they would not hire me. Well who knows maybe I will get my foot in the door this time and get hired. I am willing to learn and I am a quick learner. I have practicing my typing while writing this blog so that I am not so rusty. Working at AHP my skills got a little rusty since I was not doing a massive amount of typing. More answering the phone and dealing with things verbal. I am getting a bit faster every time, thankfully I learned the keys a long time ago.

Hopefully my luck will turn around and I get a job. I just pray to the Goddess and Gaia that I do.

Another Day

I have to be careful how much I eat. I am still learning how to eat slower. I am so used to eating quickly especially if I am at home or out running errands. While I was working I would eat at my desk and since I would work through my lunch I would not eat my lunch so quickly. I just hope I can find a job fairly quickly. While I know I don’t have anyone to follow my blog, it is at least a place I can vent/talk about my frustrations. I just hope that I will be able to keep with the correct diet. Right now with this move our schedule is messed up. I will be glad when we are moved and reset up. I want to get back to a “normal” for us schedule. I have been cross stitching again. I want to try to get back to doing my crafts, quilting and sewing instead of being on the computer non stop. Thankfully I have gotten better about it.

Follow up day

 

Went to the clinic for my follow up yesterday. I am down to 201.4 lbs. YES!!!!! I have not been able to get that close to 200 in the whole time that I have been trying to lose the weight. He told me I could eat soft foods like mashed potatoes for a couple of days and then go to my regular diet. I have healed very well and the bruising is almost gone now. My legs are thinner and so are my thighs. I am wondering if I can wear my heels now without them hurting my feet??? hum may have to see. Also my wrists are slimming down. I have not been able to exercise like I really should. With this move, I have kind of put it off. Once we get moved there is a fitness room at our new apartment complex as well as a pool. My bathing suit is fitting better now too. Hey I can sit Indian style again.!!! I just noticed this. I feel really good about making the decision to have this surgery. While I know each day is going to be a challenge and there are going to be good days and bad days. I am willing to stick with it. I am not able to eat as much and I know it if I eat just a little to much. Joe and I have a deal worked out. He will let me order what I want to eat and then let me eat and what is left he will finish. It saves money if we go out.

It is going to only be Joe, the boys and me, so I can reduce the amounts that I cook. Joe found me something that I am more than willing to pay for. Localharvest.org is where you buy a share of a farm and get fresh produce once a week. It is not cheap but if you pay for it in the store you would pay more. Beside you know that it is fresh and not cold storage.

I am making Joe do push ups and jumping jacks right now. He told me that he wants me to drop him and make him exercise to I am. :)

 

Picture(s) of Me Before Surgery

This was taken at work. I don’t remember was day but it was in February-March time frame. I was averaging at 217 lbs at this time.

I will put up some pictures of me in a couple of weeks to show the differences.

Week and a half Post Op

I am a week and a half post op now. I have lost almost 10 lbs. I have healed very well and that pleases me a lot. I have been doing the best that I can to stay on my liquid diet. Not easy, it is my mind that I am going to have to fight the most. At certain times of the day, say 12 pm, to me that is lunch time, so my mind is saying feed me even though my stomach is remaining quiet. There are times that my stomach does "say" that I need food, however I am not going to make that a final on that. I have been doing better about drinking water. To me it has no taste so I tend not to drink it. I am allowed to drink V8 now and protein drinks. The IsoPure is nasty and I can not drink it. So that one is out. I have instant carnation drink (sugar free of course) so I am going to try that tomorrow. Protein is the next big thing I will have to tackle. I don't get enough right now. I have had the issue of my hair falling out before due to a medication and now the lack of protein. But I know what is causing it and how to fix it. I have also started using my Calorie King software again so that I can track my foods and exercise. I have had a couple of emotional breaks this past week. Realizing that so much has changed is not always easy. Thankfully Joe is here for me. The kids are also part of everything that is going on and with this move coming up. Joe is used to working and he is having cabin fever and is being a butt to most everyone, including me sometimes. But I know why and I do understand. Okay this is driving me nuts. I have to restart my computer and see if I can fix whatever it is/was that Bacardi has done to my laptop keyboard.

Who and Why

I was raised in rural Arkansas. I enjoyed life as a child I guess. I lived on a farm with my Great Aunt up until I was 12 years old. I had brief times during these years that I lived with my mother, however I lived with my Great Aunt ninety nine percent of the time. I was an active kid I guess. I was always outside doing something. With only 3 channels to watch, yeah I would rather be climbing a tree or swinging on a rope in the hayloft. 

 

I was never a favorite of the guys that I went to school with in the way of girlfriend material. Now playing football or other sports that was a different story. Once I moved, that kind of changed. While I didn’t have a boyfriend for a while. I was still “little sis” to a lot of the guys. Okay so 5 foot tall and a large chest can go a long way sometimes. My best friend Tawnya and I were always doing something. Whether it being hanging out with the rest of our friends or playing sports. Volleyball was our favorite. You didn’t put us on opposite teams. We would try to kill each other, it was easier to put us on the same team and no one else got hurt. I sometimes miss those days. I was active every day then, even during the summer. I had a nice tan, toned body, and honey blonde hair. Okay so swimming was my favorite thing to do during the summer.

I got pregnant with my daughter at 17. I had been 135 lbs for years. While I didn’t gain a large large amount of weight, she was 9 lbs 4 oz, I still had a bit of trouble getting the weight off. I was working and eventually got back to around 145. After having the boys in my early 20’s getting the weight off was harder. John was 7 lbs 15 oz and Devin was 9 lbs 10 oz. Yes I had 2 large babies. LOL

I managed to get down to 168 when I got a nice knock back. A cheating husband can really do a number on a person. My weight went up and down during this time. I was diagnosed with manic depression then I went untreated for years.

When Joe and I got married my weight went up. My grandmother became ill, suffered a series of strokes and died. Also during the beginning of my grandmothers illness, my mother became ill and we almost lost her.  I started being treated for the depression and then was diagnosed as Bi-Polar II. Some of the medications, yeah I won’t be taking them again that is for sure. I ran a gambit of various “cocktails”. Thankfully I have a good combination now that seems to work for me.

Now I am being a new journey. Before my surgery I weighted anywhere from 203 to 220. My weight would fluctuate but I could never keep it off no matter what. I finally made the decision and here I am. Joe didn’t realize just how drastic my surgery was until I should him a picture of what they were going to do. He became more supportive of what I was doing and still supports me. When I break down and cry or when I want so much to eat a big juicy steak. I am lucky to have him.